My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Couch. On fire.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
