I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
