If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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