yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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