I haven't been this sober since birth.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
