Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Couch. On fire.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
