Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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