my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
