No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
