Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Can't talk, ducks in the car
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize