i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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