Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
