rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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