Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
