My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
