I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
This house was built for laser tag.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
