the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Ladies don't puke and tell
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
