If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My dick has a subreddit
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
