He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
