After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He kissed a someone with a penis
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
