pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
