he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
