Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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