Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
