I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
