My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
