I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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