i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
