my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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