Your mouth is God's brothel.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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