He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
