so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Randomize
