sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
