I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
