K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
