i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
