Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
