i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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