I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I AM VODKA MAN
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
