He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
