you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
