your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to fro yo and sex?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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