i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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