so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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