Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
