Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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