I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
