so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
