You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
