Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
