Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
