I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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