my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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