there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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