Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
