We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
