I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
