Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
