so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
