Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
