I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
