I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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