Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize