my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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