Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
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Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
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just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize