im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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