Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
