I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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