dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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