Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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