I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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