he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
try to milk me bitch
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