Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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