my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
