I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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