No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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