You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
