I hate your face
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
