Joe is yelling at the trees again.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Randomize
