Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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