I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
